THE PRISONER

She is a mass of blonde curls
an abundance of giggles
a well of innocence
still unjaded and pure
a delight who delights
with unbridled joy
in everything around her

this is my prisoner
she is kept in my heart
under lock and key
and released to run wild inside me

so I never forget the joy of puppy breath
how to lose myself in a fairytale
to want Dorothy to find her way home
to let the giggles wash over me
even when trying to act “grown up”

Never to be released
she is my reminder of childhood
my leftovers of wonderment

copyrighted to

Gaye McInnes

THE FUNNY SIDE OF MENTAL

For all of you out there who think that there is not a funny side to being nuts let me assure you there is. All my life I have been extremely anxious but about ten years ago I really went out of my tree. I started having panic attacks with ever increasing frequency until I was just one big ball of anxiety. Now at the time it wasn't funny but a friend and I were in hysterics on the weekend talking about the insanity that was me. She stuck through it all with me and on many an occasions would drive me to the doctor's because I swore the pain in my head was a massive brain tumour and I could drop dead at any given moment.
On one particular occasion I was on my way to work and decided that because I had not been to the loo in quite a few days I MUST have bowel cancer, so off I went to the hospital and demanded that they give me all the tests required to tell me I was dying and I would never shit normally again,. Instead they gave me an enema!! How embarrassing.....I lost more wieght in the next two days than a year of dieting could have done.
Then there was the episode of the Fistula. Now don't worry if you have no idea what this medical term means, I had no idea either.....but I just knew it was going to kill me. I sat in my doctor's office while he told me maybe that could be the cause of my ongoing hypercondria (not sure if the spellings right!!) and of course I instantly went into panic mode. I jumped up and ran out the door flying home to inform my mother that my fistula was going to kill me and there was nothing they could do. Of course while running down the street with my eyeballs popping out of my head and tears rolling down my rosy red cheeks every mother in the street pushed thier children behind them to protect them from the mad woman coming towards them.
You know it would not have mattered if the doctor had told me I had halitosis, I would have screamed out in despair "help me ..my hali's got a disease and I am not long for this world".And my poor son, I think I drove him insane as well because he had to live with the lobotomy that used to be his mother. One night we went shopping and while wheeling a shopping trolley around amongst hordes of the sane I thought I was going to pass out. I told him "quick, stand perfectly still because I am going to faint and I need to hold on to the trolley for a minute to keep me upright". Well I didn't faint, but he nearly did., I mean what could he have done if I passed out anyway? Run to the Butcher's and screamed "please help me, there is a big slab of meat lying on the floor and I need you to help me put it in the trolley"!!
I couldn't even manage to walk up the street without thinking I was going to have a major heart attack and die in the street like a hobo. I hid in phone boxes if I saw a dog because I was certain it was going to chew my leg off, I took myself off to hospital numerous time with chest pains.......I think I must have had about nine heart attacks in the space of a few months. I shouted at the doctor that it wasn't in my head and I was dying of something but he was just too stupid to find out what. How that doctor suffered...and of course there was the episode where he insisted I have a cancer smear and then could not find my cervix!!!!
It was there but because of previous operations covered by scar tissue. But in my mind it had been consumed by the cervical cancer I KNEW I had and that's why he couldn't find the dear little thing. Well I am almost sane again and it took a long time but after taking insanity pills for a few years and the doctor finally convincing me that I had one of the best imaginations he had ever come across.
I am better at last, well sort of...I am still a bit nuts but I actually think the insanity that still lives in me was there at birth and not much can be done about it.

Currently reading:My Lobotomy

ONE MORE DAY

I read my friend Kyrenzas blog with much interest and some amazement tonight because what she wrote about was what I had been thinking about the last couple of days. I follow anything British, TV, celebrities, the Royal Family, comics....anything really. So I tend to know a lot of what is going on over there. Over the last few years there has been a young woman who has outraged some, offended others, entertained many and made a lot of very public mistakes to her own detriment. Jade Goody is her name and wether you love her or hate her she has had to face what no 27 year old should have to. Terminal cancer.I have followed her story with interest and curiosity at first, and as her cancer has progressed my interest has turned to compassion and sadness. Her journey has been filmed because she wants to leave enough money to provide for her two little boys, but it is so very personal and confronting to watch a yong person fade away from an illness that is so cruel. And in many pictures I have looked at there are the very sad eyes of her little ones staring back at me. She has been a loudmouth, abrasive, rude and offensive in the past BUT she is 27. Maybe she hasn't been a good example to the TV audience, and maybe she has made some horrendous choices and opened her mouth when she should have kept it shut, but I am a lot more offended by Paris Hilton, she has had all the advantages in life Jade Goody never had and still turned out a useless piece of fluff who brings nothing to the world (especially class).I guess what I am trying to put into words is that as I sat imagining what it must be like to be in your twenties and beg for one more day, to watch your babies play, to see your mum, to kiss the man you love, just one more day of a very young life.......it just struck me how sad this is.I watched a small piece of footage from the show that is being made about her struggle with cancer on U tube tonight and it made me cry. Maybe you don't like her, maybe you are just not interested but the horror and reality of this show may save your daughter's life. If one girl watches this and then goes along for her cancer smear then Jade Goody has done more in 27 years than I have in 52. I wish her calmness and I hope she is surrounded by love in her final days, she is much too young to have this happen to her in my opinion.This link to U Tube is a preview of the upcoming show that has followed her battle with cancer and it so very sad but maybe it will drive the message home to our girls, DON'T IGNORE YOUR HEALTH.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krpFoZN8nSs

SUPERWOMAN AND HER SKINNY SIDEKICK

Okay if I haven't told you before how mental my family is, then let me tell you this little tale and I am sure you will need no further convincing. I rang the sister this morning and she told me a story about sweet niece that mortified me. Seems sister was in bed the other night snoring like a man (as usual) and about four in the morning she was woken by pathetic whining coming from the back yard. So she arose from her slumber, wiped the spittle from her mouth and plodded out to investigate. Said sister saw the family dog with his nose pushed up against the backyard fence looking out longingly towards the park, then sister noticed sweet nieces dog, {who is really a horse}was missing!

So sister goes inside to awaken sweet niece from slumber and inform her that horsedog is missing. Guess what? Sweet niece was missing. So okay the plot thickens. Sister then goes and looks over the fence to see sweet niece and horsedog hiding in some bushes stalking dickhead delinquents ,who apparently had thrown a brick in thier pool and were knocking on the laundry door, just basically behaving like the teenage dickheads that they are. So dickhead delinquents then see sweet niece and horsedog hiding ,and make a break for it. By this time the whole family is awake and sweet niece and horsedog return home to their loving family. Does she go back to bed? NO.

Sweet niece then grabs 11 year old nephew to be her skinny sidekick!WHY? So she jumps into her superhero four wheel drive with horsedog, skinny sidekick and turns into..............Wait for it..................REVENGEWOMAN.

Skinny sidekick tells sister later on that revengewoman sits behind the wheel of her superhero four wheel drive muttering "we are going to get those fuckers" CHARMING. She then proceeds to drive up on to the embankment onto the grass of the park turn on her high beam, {which shall now be known as super ray light weapon}and proceeds to try and run them over!!!!! Poor skinny sidekick must have been terrified. And dickhead delinquents apparently went screaming off into the blackness of night. Bet they never bother sweet niece again. Anyone in need of a hit man, I may just have the woman for you?

GERIATRIC PERFORMERS AND GREEDY CLUBS

Yesterday I went to watch my son perform in a show at one of the many clubs in sydney and he was of course BRILLIANT!!
There were three acts, and he was the first performer, and after he was finished the next act was introduced and wheeled on stage (the rest of the acts were senior citizens). I have been to so many shows and am constantly amazed at the age of the band members and some of the performers. I know some of these musicians are very good but if they never retire when do the younger generation of musicians ever get a go? There is work out there for rock bands but there are a whole range of other acts that need work as well, and they can't get any because Sydney clubs refuse to change thier old acts.

When are the people that book the acts for these places going to give the younger entertainers a fair go and give them a decent amount of work ?

I have seen so many fantastic young performers over the last few years and they need to be seen. I know that the older entertainers need work as well but they have also had many years of work out of a small industry and its time to showcase some of the younger talent we have in this country.
Yes there is a healthy live scene in Sydney for bands and dj's but what about the kids that want to do cabaret ot theatre? Surely we can't go on losing them to other countries when they are so good. I think if people went along to some of the talent quests and saw whats out there they would be very surprised by the standard of some of these young people.
I don't believe for a minute that the big clubs can't afford to do something to promote these artists. They must be making a fortune from poker machines and they just keep hiring the same old 2nd rate acts that have been around forever. WHY?
Is there some old entertainers mafia we dont know about? They shouldn't treat audiences, even old people, like idiots that will watch and enjoy any old crap that's put in front of them because they don't want to spend any of their pokie profits on getting a really good standard of shows in Australia going. Surely if they spent some of their dollars on TV advertising and promoted the hell out of these young people there would be an audience for the shows, after all people don't know how great these kids are if they dont see them!! So in closing I say, agents and clubs get your shit together and rejuvinate the industry. IT'S TIME.

WOMEN...OUR BLOOD FLOWS THROUGH EVERY MAN

We are your mothers , your sister's your babies, your wives, your friends and our blood does flow through every man !!! There has been so much attention given to the story of Rhainna and domestic abuse lately and a lot of anger directed to her partner, and now towards her for her decision to stay with him. I totally agree with all the voices out there shouting out "don't teach our daughter's this is okay", while at the same time thinking she is still a person who deserves a bit of privacy while she contemplates her future. But I am so very sick of a society that allows women to be disrespected, smashed back down every time they try and rise up, and the humiliating way some of us are treated by men. Why do we allow ourselves to be treated this way? In every society around the world in many different ways, it is obvious to me that even though the customs may be different, the thoughts of many men are the same, to keep women in thier place whatever it takes. I am not a manhater, I am not a lesbian (thats usually a man's first line of defence if you dare attack them) but I do think that the treatment of women is getting worse and men need to acknowledge this instead of being defensive. Maybe then we can make some progress. Men, we need your help. We need you to know that being your equal is not a threat, that killing and maiming us will not make us love you more, that every time you heap physical or verbal abuse on us, you are also heaping it on your babies, and we need your respect. I have seen my own mother beaten down with vicious words so nasty any intelligence or wisdom she possessed was kept to herself. I have stood by and watched silently as my friends have been humiliated in front of people by the men who are supposed to love them, because they dared offer an opinion that might make more sense than the one offered by thier partner. Not long ago while trying to have an intelligent conversation with the partner of someone close about men that kill thier children I was angrily told "women drive men to it". To me this was the most childish, unintelligent reasoning I had ever heard, I was and still am apalled. To me this is nothing but an act of spit and hate, another tantrum if you will, because men can't have the woman they want they will hurt her by taking the things they value the most, thier children.Abuse in Australia is now out of control and apparently in America the same thing is happening. 1 out of 4 women are being abused in some way . 1 OUT OF 4.......that's outrageous. What or who gives men the right to treat us this way ?.Themselves, that's who !! Are they so threatened by women that control and abuse is the only way can live with a female. Doesn't that prove that women have brilliant potential....or why else would men be so threatened by us? It is disgusting that a mother is left cowering in a corner in front of her children, that young girls have thier clitoris cut out because men don't want them to enjoy sex, that girls are not allowed to get an education in some parts of the world, that females are raped and that we are held in such low esteem by males. And then we have the world's press clamouring over bimbos like Paris Hilton who offer's our girls nothing but cheapness and stupidity. Girl's this is NOT what being a woman is about !!!! As for men......being a man shold be about the size of your heart not your penis, the compassion you have for humanity, and the maturity to accept what you cannot change.....not to smash down everything you are supposed to love because that's how you keep control.

GIVE ME A PAINTBRUSH AND A SLICE OF BREAD

I am convinced that the workers of the world are a lot more intelligent than the idiots that run a lot of companies nowadays. Why oh why do we have so many ridiculous requirements and conditions to apply for what should be a simple process?
I have spent the last month looking for a new job, and am amazed and very amused by the job descriptions I am coming across. Being of reasonable intelligence and average looking I assumed it would not be to hard to find another job. WRONG.If I had all the things they require in some of the job descriptions I would be ruling a country not serving a customer !! It either makes me go into hysterical laughter of enrages me when I read some of the job ads.
For example: Did you know that making sandwiches (which is something every mother has been doing for years) has now been renamed. Yes my friends, you are now a SANDWICH ARTIST. Give me a break, I want to make a sandwich for someone not PAINT it !!And then of course you have to have your personality assessed to see if your an axe murderer or not, and stand in front of a panel of strangers just so they can watch you shake in fear of their judgement. And then of course you have to look like a goddess to get the job and be perfectly groomed for the packing job in the factory you are applying for.
Oh and I nearly forget one of the best things about applying for the little job that will put a few hundred dollars in your pocket every week to pay your rent, you have to have a day of fun and games and speak in front of a room full of people you have never seen before so they get to know a little bit about you ! What a load of crap.
I applied for a job on a cash register in a fruit market and they wanted me to spend one of my days doing this. This particular little folly they impose on everyone really makes me angry. What if like me, you have a real fear of public speaking? Why are people who just want to serve a customer in a fruit shop made to go through this pointless excercise? I have a brain, dress well and can converse with people one on one great, so why can't I just be interviewed?
It seems to me that the job industry has become just like the entertainment industry, all about the presentation and not the substance. I know I can do these bloody jobs, unlike some of the morons that make up these stupid rules, so give me the bloody job and find out you idiots. And then of course we have the absolutley ridiculous titles these leaders of industry have given to what used to be a simple job title. Did you know that a window tinter is really a "SOLAR CONTROL TECHNITIAN or RADIATION CONTROL ENGINEER. A dishwasher now becomes an "underwater ceramics technitian"! If you decide to be a receptionist this could be your new title "Director of First Impressions" - I kid you not.....Some more wonderful careers you may want to consider -HOUSEWIFE -domestive surveilance engineer - ON THE DOLE- public funds economist -GARBO - waste disposal engineer . Get off your high horses management and stop being so ridiculous

WIVES AND LOVERS (NOT)

As an avid lover of burt bacharach I have always just automatically sung along to all his songs, and after recently seeing him at the Sydney Opera House it comfirmed my opinion that he is one of the most brilliant songwriters of our time.
BUT........... I was sitting at home the other day and my son needed to listen to a CD I had for one of his shows, so out came the CD and we sat listening to the songs, and about 4 songs in came this little gem. Wives and lovers, ever heard it? No I mean really heard it? I actually think it's one of those songs that are so daggy their fantastic!
Well half way into the song my son started laughing and saying he couldn't believe the lyrics so I took note and really listened. It's an outrage I say! Can you believe this is how women once were thought about, and even worse stupid women allowed it! And so I have put the lyrics here for you to read and I will translate them for you.
I still love Burt and I still believe he is brilliant, and I hate to admit it but I still really like this daggy song, but it must be one of the most chauvinistic songs I have ever heard.
These kind of men must shake in their boots when they meet women like me!

WIVES AND LOVERS
(Burt Bacharach & Hal David)
Hey! Little GirlComb your hair, fix your makeup - TRANSLATION (you look like shit)
Soon he will open the door, don't think because there's a ring on your finger you needn't try anymore - TRANSLATION (your fat and ugly and I'm leaving)
For wives should always be lovers too - TRANSLATION (I want sex)

Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
I'm warning you... - TRANSLATION (Get on the bed or I'll hit you)

Day after dayThere are girls at the office - TRANSLATION - (I'm dying to get into their pants)
And men will always be men - TRANSLATION - ( we will always be selfish fuckers)
Don't send him off with your hair still in curlers, you may not see him again - TRANSLATION - (I'll be back when you look human)
For wives should always be lovers too run to his arms the moment he comes home to you - TRANSLATION - (fall at his dirty feet)

He's almost here... - TRANSLATION - ( with a roaring hard on)

Hey! Little girlBetter wear something pretty - TRANSLATION - ( put on those crutchless knickers)
Something you'd wear to go to the city and dim all the lights, pour the wine, start the music time to get ready for love - TRANSLATION - (I want a root!)
Time to get ready, time to get ready for love.


Well girls, better curl your hair and put your makeup to make sure he is not at the office fucking the filing clerk!! What a song, it just shows the intellect of the other sex.

LARDARSE

I admit, I am a mean mean bitch.
I am sitting here watching a T.V. show about a 29 year old morbidly obese woman who weighed 900 pounds!! 900 BLOODY POUNDS. She has used every excuse in the book while telling her story, you know the usual ones like I don't eat that much. BULLSHIT I SAY.
I have always been on the large side, and I love my food. I like to eat and so does every other bloody fat person out there, I don't care what they say. The amount of people who probably have medical reasons for being so fat that whales would find them attractive, is probably only about 5 percent. I am being told by this holier than thou commentator I should feel sorry for this freak show in a bed, why?
She has two lovely children who have to fend for themselves while the neighborhood gather around this circus tent and give her daily hose down, sorry but I'm disgusted. The doctor lifted up her twenty stomachs to put some cream on her and she had big black patches of flesh in between all the rolls of fat. And while everybody waits on her hand and foot she's saying that sometimes she has to chase the men away. DELUSIONAL. I saw her thighs when they lifted her sheet up and there is no way you could find anything in there!!
I'm telling you this woman was a carton of sausages with a head. I don't think her necks seen the light of day for 10 years, her vocal chords must be slowly getting crushed to death. I feel compassion for people with parkinsons disease, cancer, ill children and old people among many other things, but I cant feel sympathy for a person who has a factory food process line attached to her mouth. She did it herself and then the world has to look after her because she can't so anything else but roll!!
She lays naked in bed every day with her stumps attached to a laptop telling the world to donate money to people like her so they can have operations to cut all the fat off, while people don't have enough money to take their kids to a specialist so they can get treatment for cancer, fuck off. Well if you lay in bed for ten years, eat forty meals a day and can't even find your arse to wipe it, don't you think you would do something about it before it got to that stage?
I'll save my money and sympathy for people who really are sick through no fault of their own.