GRUMPY OLD WOMEN

We have a program over here called grumpy old women. It’s basically celebrities having a bitch session about middle age and it’s very funny. Of course it’s a british show, they really know how to do these kind of shows better than anyone else. It’s great listening to someone with a really posh accent talking about really outrageous things, it seems to make it even funnier.Tonight’s episode had some very well known women talking about the physical effects of growing older and it was a relief to hear people talking about such personal things out loud.The first subject they tackled tonight was the bristles that suddenly appear on a woman’s chin seemingly overnight. You go to bed smooth and soft like a woman should be, and you wake up in the morning with fisherman’s wire attached to the bottom of your face!WHAT HAPPENED? I was so relieved to know it wasn’t just happening to me. I mean when you all of a sudden start growing a beard it can be quite unnerving. So what to do? Do I fight my son in the morning to be the first to have a shave? Should I just leave them and hope the sunlight doesn’t hit them? I never knew body hair could be so tough! I reckon they could hold the weight of a very large human and not snap.So the next subject they discussed was anger and mood swings. One of the ladies had me in hysterics. She was waiting at the bus stop with a line up of other would be passengers, and the bus was late. The later the bus was, the more angry she became until eventually she kicked the glass bus depot and then sat in the gutter and cried. The people around her backed away in terror and she missed the bus! I know how she feels. There are some days when I walk up the street and just want to hit someone because their ugly, others when I cry because their ugly! Mental I know but it keeps life interesting.And so on to next subject. Underwear. Granny undies to be precise. How great are these undies when you reach a certain age and everything needs to be gathered up and tucked in. Some of these ladies had tried thongs but the result was less than desirable. One thing I haven’t yet experienced in my life as yet is chaffing of the arsehole, but a couple of these women had, my god how I laughed. So their advice was get some control briefs and they put everything back where it’s supposed to be!Not pretty I know but after all, there is probably not going to be a lot lot of men rushing to tear your clothes off.And then came the subject that really cracked me up. Pubic hair, or lack of it. Here we have a world full of young women paying someone to rip the hair off their fannies (I’d rather give birth) and these women were saying how theirs is just dissappearing, and they want to know where it went!!! One woman said that she imagines when she goes to sleep it slowly creeps upwards and settles on her chin. That’s why the hair on our chin’s is so course, it’s really pubic hair. So does that mean if I sleep with my hand on my fanny every night I can stop the little buggers from escaping?And so the last subject was what they look like in the morning after being asleep for eight hours and all the loose flesh on their faces has settled overnight and they have to sit upright for an hour in a chair for it all to sink back into place. What happen’s overnight? I wake up in the morning and my eyes have disappeared, I look like a sharpei. I can’t go out in public until 10a.m. and my face has gone through it’s metamorphis and the skin has shrunken back to where it should be.And so, if you find one day you are bald where you never thought you would be, you kick the nieghbors little dog and then cry over it, you wake up looking worse than quasimodo and you need undies that reach up to your boobs and down to your knees so nothing falls out while you are walking, don’t sweat it, there are others like you out there and we are speaking out!