GERIATRIC PERFORMERS AND GREEDY CLUBS

Yesterday I went to watch my son perform in a show at one of the many clubs in sydney and he was of course BRILLIANT!!
There were three acts, and he was the first performer, and after he was finished the next act was introduced and wheeled on stage (the rest of the acts were senior citizens). I have been to so many shows and am constantly amazed at the age of the band members and some of the performers. I know some of these musicians are very good but if they never retire when do the younger generation of musicians ever get a go? There is work out there for rock bands but there are a whole range of other acts that need work as well, and they can't get any because Sydney clubs refuse to change thier old acts.

When are the people that book the acts for these places going to give the younger entertainers a fair go and give them a decent amount of work ?

I have seen so many fantastic young performers over the last few years and they need to be seen. I know that the older entertainers need work as well but they have also had many years of work out of a small industry and its time to showcase some of the younger talent we have in this country.
Yes there is a healthy live scene in Sydney for bands and dj's but what about the kids that want to do cabaret ot theatre? Surely we can't go on losing them to other countries when they are so good. I think if people went along to some of the talent quests and saw whats out there they would be very surprised by the standard of some of these young people.
I don't believe for a minute that the big clubs can't afford to do something to promote these artists. They must be making a fortune from poker machines and they just keep hiring the same old 2nd rate acts that have been around forever. WHY?
Is there some old entertainers mafia we dont know about? They shouldn't treat audiences, even old people, like idiots that will watch and enjoy any old crap that's put in front of them because they don't want to spend any of their pokie profits on getting a really good standard of shows in Australia going. Surely if they spent some of their dollars on TV advertising and promoted the hell out of these young people there would be an audience for the shows, after all people don't know how great these kids are if they dont see them!! So in closing I say, agents and clubs get your shit together and rejuvinate the industry. IT'S TIME.

WOMEN...OUR BLOOD FLOWS THROUGH EVERY MAN

We are your mothers , your sister's your babies, your wives, your friends and our blood does flow through every man !!! There has been so much attention given to the story of Rhainna and domestic abuse lately and a lot of anger directed to her partner, and now towards her for her decision to stay with him. I totally agree with all the voices out there shouting out "don't teach our daughter's this is okay", while at the same time thinking she is still a person who deserves a bit of privacy while she contemplates her future. But I am so very sick of a society that allows women to be disrespected, smashed back down every time they try and rise up, and the humiliating way some of us are treated by men. Why do we allow ourselves to be treated this way? In every society around the world in many different ways, it is obvious to me that even though the customs may be different, the thoughts of many men are the same, to keep women in thier place whatever it takes. I am not a manhater, I am not a lesbian (thats usually a man's first line of defence if you dare attack them) but I do think that the treatment of women is getting worse and men need to acknowledge this instead of being defensive. Maybe then we can make some progress. Men, we need your help. We need you to know that being your equal is not a threat, that killing and maiming us will not make us love you more, that every time you heap physical or verbal abuse on us, you are also heaping it on your babies, and we need your respect. I have seen my own mother beaten down with vicious words so nasty any intelligence or wisdom she possessed was kept to herself. I have stood by and watched silently as my friends have been humiliated in front of people by the men who are supposed to love them, because they dared offer an opinion that might make more sense than the one offered by thier partner. Not long ago while trying to have an intelligent conversation with the partner of someone close about men that kill thier children I was angrily told "women drive men to it". To me this was the most childish, unintelligent reasoning I had ever heard, I was and still am apalled. To me this is nothing but an act of spit and hate, another tantrum if you will, because men can't have the woman they want they will hurt her by taking the things they value the most, thier children.Abuse in Australia is now out of control and apparently in America the same thing is happening. 1 out of 4 women are being abused in some way . 1 OUT OF 4.......that's outrageous. What or who gives men the right to treat us this way ?.Themselves, that's who !! Are they so threatened by women that control and abuse is the only way can live with a female. Doesn't that prove that women have brilliant potential....or why else would men be so threatened by us? It is disgusting that a mother is left cowering in a corner in front of her children, that young girls have thier clitoris cut out because men don't want them to enjoy sex, that girls are not allowed to get an education in some parts of the world, that females are raped and that we are held in such low esteem by males. And then we have the world's press clamouring over bimbos like Paris Hilton who offer's our girls nothing but cheapness and stupidity. Girl's this is NOT what being a woman is about !!!! As for men......being a man shold be about the size of your heart not your penis, the compassion you have for humanity, and the maturity to accept what you cannot change.....not to smash down everything you are supposed to love because that's how you keep control.

GIVE ME A PAINTBRUSH AND A SLICE OF BREAD

I am convinced that the workers of the world are a lot more intelligent than the idiots that run a lot of companies nowadays. Why oh why do we have so many ridiculous requirements and conditions to apply for what should be a simple process?
I have spent the last month looking for a new job, and am amazed and very amused by the job descriptions I am coming across. Being of reasonable intelligence and average looking I assumed it would not be to hard to find another job. WRONG.If I had all the things they require in some of the job descriptions I would be ruling a country not serving a customer !! It either makes me go into hysterical laughter of enrages me when I read some of the job ads.
For example: Did you know that making sandwiches (which is something every mother has been doing for years) has now been renamed. Yes my friends, you are now a SANDWICH ARTIST. Give me a break, I want to make a sandwich for someone not PAINT it !!And then of course you have to have your personality assessed to see if your an axe murderer or not, and stand in front of a panel of strangers just so they can watch you shake in fear of their judgement. And then of course you have to look like a goddess to get the job and be perfectly groomed for the packing job in the factory you are applying for.
Oh and I nearly forget one of the best things about applying for the little job that will put a few hundred dollars in your pocket every week to pay your rent, you have to have a day of fun and games and speak in front of a room full of people you have never seen before so they get to know a little bit about you ! What a load of crap.
I applied for a job on a cash register in a fruit market and they wanted me to spend one of my days doing this. This particular little folly they impose on everyone really makes me angry. What if like me, you have a real fear of public speaking? Why are people who just want to serve a customer in a fruit shop made to go through this pointless excercise? I have a brain, dress well and can converse with people one on one great, so why can't I just be interviewed?
It seems to me that the job industry has become just like the entertainment industry, all about the presentation and not the substance. I know I can do these bloody jobs, unlike some of the morons that make up these stupid rules, so give me the bloody job and find out you idiots. And then of course we have the absolutley ridiculous titles these leaders of industry have given to what used to be a simple job title. Did you know that a window tinter is really a "SOLAR CONTROL TECHNITIAN or RADIATION CONTROL ENGINEER. A dishwasher now becomes an "underwater ceramics technitian"! If you decide to be a receptionist this could be your new title "Director of First Impressions" - I kid you not.....Some more wonderful careers you may want to consider -HOUSEWIFE -domestive surveilance engineer - ON THE DOLE- public funds economist -GARBO - waste disposal engineer . Get off your high horses management and stop being so ridiculous

WIVES AND LOVERS (NOT)

As an avid lover of burt bacharach I have always just automatically sung along to all his songs, and after recently seeing him at the Sydney Opera House it comfirmed my opinion that he is one of the most brilliant songwriters of our time.
BUT........... I was sitting at home the other day and my son needed to listen to a CD I had for one of his shows, so out came the CD and we sat listening to the songs, and about 4 songs in came this little gem. Wives and lovers, ever heard it? No I mean really heard it? I actually think it's one of those songs that are so daggy their fantastic!
Well half way into the song my son started laughing and saying he couldn't believe the lyrics so I took note and really listened. It's an outrage I say! Can you believe this is how women once were thought about, and even worse stupid women allowed it! And so I have put the lyrics here for you to read and I will translate them for you.
I still love Burt and I still believe he is brilliant, and I hate to admit it but I still really like this daggy song, but it must be one of the most chauvinistic songs I have ever heard.
These kind of men must shake in their boots when they meet women like me!

WIVES AND LOVERS
(Burt Bacharach & Hal David)
Hey! Little GirlComb your hair, fix your makeup - TRANSLATION (you look like shit)
Soon he will open the door, don't think because there's a ring on your finger you needn't try anymore - TRANSLATION (your fat and ugly and I'm leaving)
For wives should always be lovers too - TRANSLATION (I want sex)

Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you
I'm warning you... - TRANSLATION (Get on the bed or I'll hit you)

Day after dayThere are girls at the office - TRANSLATION - (I'm dying to get into their pants)
And men will always be men - TRANSLATION - ( we will always be selfish fuckers)
Don't send him off with your hair still in curlers, you may not see him again - TRANSLATION - (I'll be back when you look human)
For wives should always be lovers too run to his arms the moment he comes home to you - TRANSLATION - (fall at his dirty feet)

He's almost here... - TRANSLATION - ( with a roaring hard on)

Hey! Little girlBetter wear something pretty - TRANSLATION - ( put on those crutchless knickers)
Something you'd wear to go to the city and dim all the lights, pour the wine, start the music time to get ready for love - TRANSLATION - (I want a root!)
Time to get ready, time to get ready for love.


Well girls, better curl your hair and put your makeup to make sure he is not at the office fucking the filing clerk!! What a song, it just shows the intellect of the other sex.

LARDARSE

I admit, I am a mean mean bitch.
I am sitting here watching a T.V. show about a 29 year old morbidly obese woman who weighed 900 pounds!! 900 BLOODY POUNDS. She has used every excuse in the book while telling her story, you know the usual ones like I don't eat that much. BULLSHIT I SAY.
I have always been on the large side, and I love my food. I like to eat and so does every other bloody fat person out there, I don't care what they say. The amount of people who probably have medical reasons for being so fat that whales would find them attractive, is probably only about 5 percent. I am being told by this holier than thou commentator I should feel sorry for this freak show in a bed, why?
She has two lovely children who have to fend for themselves while the neighborhood gather around this circus tent and give her daily hose down, sorry but I'm disgusted. The doctor lifted up her twenty stomachs to put some cream on her and she had big black patches of flesh in between all the rolls of fat. And while everybody waits on her hand and foot she's saying that sometimes she has to chase the men away. DELUSIONAL. I saw her thighs when they lifted her sheet up and there is no way you could find anything in there!!
I'm telling you this woman was a carton of sausages with a head. I don't think her necks seen the light of day for 10 years, her vocal chords must be slowly getting crushed to death. I feel compassion for people with parkinsons disease, cancer, ill children and old people among many other things, but I cant feel sympathy for a person who has a factory food process line attached to her mouth. She did it herself and then the world has to look after her because she can't so anything else but roll!!
She lays naked in bed every day with her stumps attached to a laptop telling the world to donate money to people like her so they can have operations to cut all the fat off, while people don't have enough money to take their kids to a specialist so they can get treatment for cancer, fuck off. Well if you lay in bed for ten years, eat forty meals a day and can't even find your arse to wipe it, don't you think you would do something about it before it got to that stage?
I'll save my money and sympathy for people who really are sick through no fault of their own.

BAN THE BOOM BOOM

Who are the neanderthals that have proclaimed themselves the god's of music?? Why does everyone have to be punished with thier BOOM BOOM (Or bass as intelligent people know it )music??Has thier brain been so very damaged by the pulsating Boom Boom that they can't tell the difference between REAL music and a thud that is sooo loud it causes heart palpitations? Could it be the younger generation (MORONS) have come up with a way of getting rid of the oldies by causing heart failure on a massive scale??Is good music not good music when it is played at an intelligent level? It definately is NOT good music when the boom boom is played so loud it drowns out every other instrument. What is the point? Why not just hit themselves continually over thier empty little heads repeatedly and dance to the echo??

MORONS

The idiot that lives behind us waits until 7PM every night and then decides it's time to kill a few more brain cells by bassing himself to death. It aggravates me to the point where I want to go on a diet just so I can jump the fence and pull his ugly little ears off!!!!

And then of course we have the one cell animals (teenage boys) that society has to suffe,r that think it makes them look like men to drive at the speed of light while playing thier Boom Boom so frigging loud it vibrates every thing it passes on thier way to the city of stupidity !!!Everybody give a clap for the cretins

What these puny little wanna be's don't realise is that the rest of the population thinks they are DICKWADS !!!I want to form a oldie posse....round up the dickwad boom boom people who do not have a musical bone in thier underdeveloped bodies.....and tie them to a pole in the middle of a public square. Then said cretins would have to listen...at full blast...for 4 hours or until we break them......ABBA......BEETHOVEN......THE BAYCITY ROLLERS......HELEN REDDY and every other bit of music that will make them squirm with pain and cry for mercy.Anybody with me here.

THE MOTHER OF INVENTION

My mother has never had money but she always found a way to scratch by, even if it meant everybody else thought her a ideas were a bit errrr.......NUTS.She has also had to find different ways to keep a roof over our heads and sometimes that involved using a bit of inguenity and lying. Over the years she has opened many many bank accounts in every name imaginable so that she could get credit when she needed to. As a result of this she probably has about 5 different identities. When she dies we will have to buy 5 different burial plots and then figure out which one to put her in !!!!Talk about organised crime. We figure either she will end up in an old people's home or in geriatric lockdown in jail. It's a nightmare when we need to ring her at work, the phone rings, someone answers with "can I help you" and you realise you don't know who to ask for. And then there is the "walkabout" she does on a regular basis. While others frantically call the police when the older people in the family go missing we always know where to find her. Our search party need look no further than the local TAB, there she will be perched on a stool in front of a TV watching the horseraces and flicking through her mountian of tickets trying to see if she has won her first million.And let's talk about improvising shall we? Mum has always loved working in her garden when she is not betting on a horse. Years ago mum decided to dig up half the back yard because she just had to have a fish pond (the beginning of her pond empire) and then carefully lowering an old bathtub into the crater that she had created, then realising of course "we need fish".Now most people would go to a pet shop but not Ma Baker.....it was much easier to carry a plastic bag with her and knock off a few from front yards on her way home from work one night. This has become an obsession...we now have 4 ponds (at last count) and a population of fish and frogs to rival the Amazon.By far the biggest legacy my mother will leave me is to make sure you plan where to plant your trees. Let me explain. Don't ever think a tree is so very pretty you just have to have it, and then proceed to plop it into the first bit of dirt you see. There was a twig that took mum's fancy years ago, she planted it, it grew out instead of up, and now everytime I have to walk up the backyard it reaches over and tries to poke both my eyes out !!!!And then we have the wonderful palm tree that she planted right near the bottom step of the back verandah as a cute little clump. Why did she not realise that it would grow 20 feet tall and house evil bats. They sit in the murderous tree and use me as target practice with the nuts they pick off the top of the tree if I dare walk underneath it. "CHEEKY". And then the littlest sibling decided that because the murderous tree was now a very big problem she would help out by pouring a chemical strong enough to use in a nucleur war over the tree. Well done...it worked....but it is dying from the top down !!!!! I was nearly beheaded the other day by a falling branch big enought to cover up my very big self.The bat's are pissed off and the tree is trying to kill me !!!!So in rounding out this tribute to the many idenities that are my mother here are a few of her famous homemaking tips for you out there...Want a new sofa but money's short? No worries, just saw it in half and there you have it...two new chairs (yes she really did saw a lounge in half).Help out the wildlife. Take in a feral cat, love it to death...even if it rips the ankles out of the rest of the family ( we all bear the scars of her much loved pussy cat)Always have a roll of chicken wire handy. Need an attractive new fence? Get out the chicken wire.Need a new gate? Get out the chicken wire.Want a playpen for the kids? Chicken wire again.Yes life's an adventure with the "Einstien of home improvement". If ever I have my own home the fences will be made of wood and the back yard will be a sea of green........AND NOTHING ELSE.